I’m not making this up: the lawyer’s pants caught on fire.
Just as the lawyer said his client hadn’t set his car alight
for the insurance money. Just as he explained that his client’s car
Just as the jury thought they had seen everything
there was a flash from the lawyer’s left pocket. Just as they thought
they smelled something fishy there’s an acrid scent in the air.
Just as they thought they had heard everything for crying out loud,
They gasp at the smoke billowing from the lawyer’s left pocket. And
The lawyer exited the courtroom at a dignified pace, leaving
the jury to think: anything can happen. Even if he had wanted
the e-cigarette battery to explode in his pocket, it happened
at the exact . right. moment. But you know what they say
about lawyers: they get burned, eventually.
You could say that this story jumps the shark, that it has no charm, but
within the same week, within the same breath, a shark appeared
in a shopping cart in a Walmart parking lot. I know: the shark didn’t
drive there. And it was dead. But people abandoned the check out
lanes to check out his deadly dead eyes, no matter.
See how things work out for themselves? You have now survived
seven days in a row in which prophets have said the world would
end. And the sheriff spotted another shark in the dead center of
someone’s driveway. The homeowner didn’t report it, not wanting
to be laughed at, but all his neighbors pulled out their phones anyway as did
their friends, and the relatives of friends, and their friends, just because
they figured, it couldn’t be real.